Parts One and Two of this series have examined what fear is, how it might manifest and how we as individuals can try to deal with it. In Part Three we’re now going to flip this on its head and look at fear from another angle – by considering how to help someone dealing with fear.
Some suggestions are:
Avoid trivialising, becoming impatient or telling someone that they’re being silly (yes, it does happen!). What may not look like an issue to you is very real to the fearful person. Telling someone to ‘get a grip’ will just make matters worse as poorly treated fear will simply lead to a further lack of confidence – meaning that the person may no longer even be prepared to go out on the hill in the long term. It can also lead to loss of friendship, trust and/or blazing domestic rows if your fellow mountain-goer also happens to be your husband/wife/partner. I’ve had some of my very worst arguments with my other half out in the mountains – usually occurring in very echoey corries when the heated discussions are amplified to be heard be everyone out in that area…
Try to understand the root of the fear. Sometimes a seemingly irrational fear has a deeply buried cause. Try also to understand your own expectations of the person if you have been the one to pick the route – even if you thought this was what they wanted to do! If it was their choice and their planning, this is not the time for saying something along the lines of ‘well, you’re to one who wanted to do this.’ Try to find out if this is this a case of ‘I’m on steep ground that I’m not comfortable on/have never really encountered before’ that may need talking through. Or is it ‘I’m on steep ground of the same type where I had an accident a few months ago’? Is it that the wind is so bad that it’s virtually knocking them over? Have they experienced this kind of brutal weather before?
Photos: Exposure too much? Change the route …
Help the person to breaking down the fear into components. Talking through the situation can help (without being patronising). Some situations may demand you taking charge: ‘OK, so first let’s get off the steep ground – we can stop up there – so do you want to follow me closely?’ It may be that foot placement is the issue, if this is the case, lead by example. It may be that fitness levels are the issue – the person is unable to keep up, can’t see the route that you’ve taken and starts to flounder. Ask the person what might help them – present them with suggestions. Once the feared terrain/part of climb/river crossing etc. is past, try to have a discussion to get to the root(s) of the issue.
Reassess the remainder of your route and if necessary, and possible, adjust so that your acquaintance is comfortable. But don’t make a show of doing this. Do this ‘tacitly’.
If there is another option, offer this to them. Granted, some routes are committing and going up is usually easier than going retreating and going down. Explain this. But if there is another option, give the person that choice – and don’t make them feel bad for not confronting the issue that was causing them to be fearful. Sometimes by the very act of offering that choice, the person will continue on the original route and overcome their fears to complete whatever it is…
Sometimes the fearful person simply needs to feel in control of the situation and be able to take the decision to retreat or change the route.
Whatever the consequence of dealing with fear on a hill day might be the important thing is that everybody stays safe. The action that ensures no accident occurs (worst case scenario) as a result of ploughing on with a person (or people) in tow who are really struggling with lack of confidence is the correct one. Continuing regardless can result sowing (or digging in!) seeds of fear that will only resurface at a later date. Yes, plans may have to be altered, or a group may take the decision to split up and pursue different routes, but ultimately any decision made must be in the interests of safety. We’re back to that old adage of ‘the mountains will always be there for another day ….’.
And just a couple of closing thoughts:
Situations do happen whereby everyone may be experiencing fear – but there may be that one person who simply cannot contain being frightened. Fear can be contagious, particularly if a scenario feels like it’s escalating rapidly/actually is escalating rapidly. The person or people who end up taking charge may simply end up with that role because they are low on the ‘being scared’ scale, but at the same time having to manage others can suddenly become a huge responsibility. If you have ever been in an extreme situation like this – whichever end of that scale you’re sitting at – it’s perhaps a good idea to talk through honestly afterwards rather than harbouring any ill will should brusqueness of tone, or direct speaking have taken place – it does happen!
My way of working through my fears in the past (many of which have been anticipatory!) has been to get out and sort the issue out all by myself wherever possible. Sometimes it’s easier to work through whatever the problem is when you’re by yourself (in a relatively controlled environment) as you don’t have to feel remotely guilty about holding someone up while you dither around trying to sort your head out. Do I get scared? Yes. Will I be scared when I am confronted by the same kind of downhill terrain that caused the accident that I’ve just had? Yes, I will be. And at this point in time I have no idea how I am going to react. After seven months of being away from the mountains I do have a choice. I either give up mountaineering or I go back and sort my head out. But the call of the mountains is so strong right now that I know I will be back … I need to put my accident into perspective and set it against the many, many hours I have accumulated in the mountains over the years, in every kind of weather condition, over all kinds of terrains, pushing myself to extremes at times.
And besides that I very much look forward to resuming my guiding duties once again!
Places Wild and High 